ETA Electric Boogaloo:

It turns out that text below the cut is a rare muff by the Urban Legends Reference Pages. The usually accurate Snopes was explaining the difference between the E911 only call and the "Location On" option that's found on cell phones.

As it turns out, they got the difference wrong (or, in reading it over, I think it was misleadingly worded).

As tabrumj explains here: Most modern cell phones sold today have E911, which allows a properly equipped dispatching center to get your GPS information when you actually dial 911. The "Location On" option pretty much means your GPS position can be tracked at any time, with the cell phone company holding the data.

tabrumj's explanation is backed up on this CNet review of the Audiovox CDM-9500 phone.

Apologies for misleading anyone.

Also, big thanks to first_spike for answering my question about how this same process works outside North America.

So, in short, leave your phone on E911. It's more than sufficient to cover your emergency needs (again, provided the answering dispatch center is properly equipped).

( Boy is my face red...but I'm preserving it to teach a lesson to myself )

Allow me to introduce Exhibit A.

Reading Exhibit A (hint: it involves psychotic killer clowns posing as really ugly clown statues) just before going to bed means that you will get 3 — yes, you read that right — 3 hours of sleep.

After which you will have a very creepy dream involving psychotic killer clowns hiding in your bathroom behind the shower curtain. This will come with creepy giggling sound effects, of course.

You will wake in a cold sweat at 2 ayem. It will take you five minutes to convince yourself that there are, in fact, no psychotic killer clowns in your bathroom, and that you should go back to sleep.

However, 5 minutes later, you will tell yourself that maybe you should check.

This will result in you checking all your locks, opening the shower curtain in your bathroom, looking in all your closets, looking under your bed, checking back and front halls, and questioning George the Amazing Lovebird about whether he'd seen any strange people that day (you stick your tongue out at him when he chirps something that sounds suspiciously like a yes).

You will go back to bed. You will close your eyes.

You will hear scary, scary noises.

This means turning on every light in the apartment and tearing apart the place (again) looking for psychotic killer clowns.

There are, of course, no psychotic killer clowns.

However, your kitchen faucet is dripping. This may account for scary, scary noises.

Back to bed.

Everything is calm. No more scary noises. No psychotic killer clowns in the bathroom or anywhere else.

However, you are now wide awake.

You then stay wide awake for *checks clock* three-and-a-half fucking hours.

It is now 5:30 ayem (more or less) and I am wide awake, exhausted, and very pissed.

Taking kava kava has not helped. I'm starting to think seriously of raiding the Nyquil so I can get some God-damned sleep.

*pitches temper tantrum*

Somewhere around mid-day tomorrow I'm going to zonk out and sleep for 12 hours straight. I know this.

*whams head against wall*

Nope. That hasn't worked either.

I believe this means the clowns have officially eated me. Or something.

Anyway, clearly I am not dead. I have, however, been fairly busy this week. (See kurukami for details since he did all the work writing up the adventures.)

As for why I was stupid enough to read about psychotic killer clowns before bed...unh...I'm not gonna tell you. I just was. That's all.