Breaking into your apartment? Please. That's so mundane. I haven't been breaking into your apartment.

What I have done, though, is set up a psychic link that lets me tap in to your thoughts at will. That's all.

I tried to set the link up so it only kicks in when you're thinking about fanfiction, but I don't have all the bugs out yet. Oh, by the way, what's up with your fascination with condiments? Actually, I don't want to know. Pretend I never asked.