liz_marcs | FLocked Water Hold Me Down Extra (DVD cut)

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FLocked Water Hold Me Down Extra (DVD cut)

*nervously clears throat*

Ladies and gentlemen, I'm about to show you why I should never, ever write smut. Ever.

Some of us just ain't any good at it.

Here is what I call "exhibit A" in a posting that's not even remotely work safe.

I promised nwhepcat a smut passage for her B-day fic. Alas, not to be. Aside from suck (the bad kind, not the good kind), this part primarily got nuked because of some adjustments I made in the plot and the different timing of things. This originally was supposed to be another case of Faith picking up on what her alter is doing, but that is going to change somewhat do to logic and plot events.

Had I not promised the smut, I wouldn't even post it at all. But, do0d, I did promise.

Needless to say, this is something of a spoiler for what occurs at the end of the middle leg.

And no, you really, really don't have to read this because it's been neatly cut from the story.

So, for your holiday amusement, a DVD cut of a part that's never going to appear in Water Hold Me Down. If anyone asks me again why I don't write any smut, maybe I'll just point them here because this? Is not good.

His fingertips traced along her skin, leaving behind a trail of goose bumps. She was a little occupied with the sliding up-and-down on his cock action.

She could sense more than see the cheap motel room, but it felt off somehow. The room was too bright, like they were screwing around during the day instead of at night. Another thing that threw her off was that Xander was a hell of a lot more active in what was going on. If she remembered right, he had a hard time even finding a rhythm because he was so stunned during the one and only time they did this. Not that she had problems getting off mind, but he wasn’t what anyone would call coordinated, or, you know, any good.

At some point one hand fell to her hips, like he was trying to urge her to go faster. No fucking way, I’m enjoying this. The other hand started tweaking at a nipple.

“Nice tits,” he said as he worked her nipple into a hard point.

“Bet you wish you could bite ’em again,” Faith teased. “You like that hunh? A little blood? Shit…bet you like sucking off women on the rag.” Hunh? Bite? Blood? What the hell? Where did that come from? Bruises good, bleeding not as much.

“Gets you pissing your pants,” Xander said through gasps.

Who the fuck are you again?
“You want to do it…yah,” Faith’s hands were now sliding over her breasts, bumping against Xander’s hand as he did his tit play. “Don’t have the fucking balls. Pussy.”

Xander was breathing hard, but he managed a grin like he had her number. Next thing she knew her tit was mashed between two of his fingers and he practically twisted it off her boob.

She gasped because, Christ, he had the pleasure-pain thing fucking down. She leaned forward, braced herself with her hands on his shoulders, and rewarded him for a job well done by going a little faster.

“Like that?” he asked breathily.

“Fuck. Good. That’s good.” Okay. Go with this. Dream, right?

The hand on her waist tightened while the other dropped and started scrabbling through her short curlies like he was looking for something.

“Another?” he breathed at her.

Another what? A purple nipple? Fuck, yeah. She’s up for it.

She didn’t at all expect him to find and start rubbing her clit. The finger doing the rubbing was thick enough to be his thumb. She started shivering and sweating, a moan escaped her throat, and despite everything she picked up even more speed. “Christ. Fucking know…your…shit…”

His teeth clenched while he blew short bursts of air through them and his eyes were hard on her. There was something odd about the left one. It’s fake, she reminded herself. Why she felt any sort of surprise since she already knew this she had no idea.

Jesus, god, the hand on her waist had her in a death grip. If she wasn’t a Slayer, that shit would leave a bruise.

“Fuck. Harder,” she ordered.

Another finger introduced itself to her clit. At first she thought it was to bring on the pressure. When he started rolling it around like a marble between the two fingers she groaned. When he pinched and twisted she screamed and collapsed forward. The quick shot of pain sent electricity through her body and about all she could do is shimmy against him with her face buried in his neck.

While she was digging the sensation, the hand on the waist moved and tangled itself in her hair. He pulled her forward so he could give her a bruising kiss and she was dimly aware of him freeing the hand trapped between their bodies. She attempted to somehow rearrange herself to get more of a feeling of his pubic hair against her clit. He almost, but not quite, slipped out.

He nipped her on her bottom lip, probably to let her know that he wasn’t too crazy about the almost out sensation, but when she settled he was almost all the way back in.

Xander broke the kiss and he had that crazed grinning thing going again. One hand was still all tangled up in her hair, but it occurred to her that something about this didn’t feel quite right either, like there should be more hair for his hand to get tangled up in. He slid a finger along her cheekbone and rubbed it along her mouth.

“Suck it,” he ordered.

“You suck,” she said back. She gave her pussy muscles a squeeze, just to let him know he couldn’t make her do shit.

He gasped and arched like it was the best fucking thing he’s ever felt.

Without knowing why, she grabbed the waiting finger in her teeth and started licking before closing her mouth around it.

Underneath her Xander restated the humping rhythm. “Yeah. Oh, fuck yeah. Like that? Like…fuck…should just fuck your mouth. Make you swallow all that cum. Leave you wet. Fuck…”

Holy shit! Hearing Xander talk dirty was an unexpected turn-on. So while he was talking about ramming down her throat until he was done cumming and then making her lick his balls clean after he was done, she was drooling like she was half-starved for it all over his finger.

After he pulled the finger out of her mouth with a pop, she said, “Fucking like that… hunh. Fucking like…oh Jesus…me butterface? Fucking sit on your face. Make you eat me out…carpet muncher.”

There was still a rhythm in what they were doing; only she was throwing a twist in her hips to rub harder so she could get the prickly sensation against her clit.

As his hands scrabbled across her ass and a finger started playing around with her asshole, it occurred to her that this was a want, take, have situation. It was a straight up angry fuck that’s just as much about doing maximum damage as it is hiding from it.

Christ. She thought she was done with this kind of thing.

Wait a fucking second. This is fucking Harris she’s talking about. No way. Gotta be reading the situation all wrong.

That’s what you fucking think,
the thought echoed in the reptilian part of her brain that wanted to leave pretty bruises all over his body, just to prove to all those folks back home that she could have him any time she wanted.

Oh shit. This was bad. This was real fucking bad. She’s gotta stop this because that’s what fucking happened the first—and only, don’t forget only, the desperate thought reminded her—time. But it’s like she’s helpless and along for the ride because her body was too fucking busy enjoying this screwed up situation.

When the finger playing around the asshole started pushing its way in, she froze and hissed at him. It was probably the finger she was sucking on. Jesus, everyone knows that human spit ain’t worth shit as a lube.

Xander didn’t seem to care that there just might be a little hurt involved because he was shoving his cock up into her pussy and talking filthy between gasps about what he had done to her, what he was going to do to her, and what he’d like to do to her that would make scream. One hand was rubbing her ass while the other finger pushed in a little deeper and started wiggling.

The pleasure/pain switch tripped and she was back to screwing down on his cock and clenching her ass around the finger that felt a little better than it should now that was there.

“Been fucked…up the ass…a lot…bet…you like it,” he said. His head twisted a little to the left and she saw the cords in his neck stand out. “Fuck…yeah…anal queen. Cum right in your ass.”

“Bet you go…faggy. Shit,” she said back. There’s that building explosion in her lower belly and a tension in the small of her back telling her that this one is going to be big. “Can’t get off…fuck…unless you’re fucking ass. Christ.”

“Fuck any…fuck all your holes…make them drip and you’d eat it up,” Xander growled back at her.

The free hand on her ass lifted and came down with a sharp crack.

“Shit!” She hyperextended so her upper body lifted way from his chest.

The electricity crackled again along her nerves as he started rubbing the point of impact. There was soon another crack across her ass followed quickly by another. The blows were just hard enough to hurt, but not hard enough to flip the switch back to pain. She started corkscrewing her hips against him as she growled and moaned.

Then he started saying the stupid shit guys start saying when they’re about to shoot their brains out of their dick. “Oh fuck…Christ…fuck…hurry up…cum…shit…oh shit…”

The ass-slapping hand was back in her hair and he was yanking her down for one of those devouring kisses that put her in mind of waging a war. Somewhere in there the finger retreated from her inside her ass and that hand was now rubbing up and down her back.

They were busy biting each other’s lips and tongues. The bed shook and smacked against the wall with a resounding, out-of-control series of thunks. They started sliding against each other what with all the sweat. She could feel his tight balls pressing hard up against her every time she pressed down. Both of his hands were now desperately rubbing across the small of her back and she was clawing at him, the pillows, and undulating mattress.

She could feel her pussy muscles tightening in what she called the “Slayer sweet spot,” the time when she can feel every detail of the cock inside her. It was when every ridge, every vein, and every stray pubic hair that gets shoved in with the humping stands out in sharp tactile relief. It always drove her crazy and it was something that only kicked in after she became a Slayer. Made her feel almost bad for all the girls that don’t get the good bit out of the whole screwing deal.

Xander broke the kiss again. His eyes were closed and his head was twisting back and forth like he was deep in a nightmare. “Fuck. Cum. I’m cum…”

Without knowing why she did it, she bit down on his neck hard enough to draw blood and reflexively started sucking hard enough to leave one hell of a bruise to go with the mark.

So, Jesus, she’s gone all fucking vampire now? Biting was never her thing even before the Slayer deal. What kind of shit is this?

Xander howled and she could feel the first warm spurt inside her as the hands on the small of her back turned to claws. He scratched up the length of her back leaving a trail of welts as he stiffly arched and the spurt became a hot stream. The sensation of Xander getting off underneath her with “Christ, Fuck, Jesus, Fuck, God, Fuck” coming out of his mouth, and hot trails of pain along her back pushed her right over the edge.

“Jesus,” she said, “Gonna…I’m gonna…”

There was a shaking sensation.

Faith reached out, grabbed whoever it was, flipped them onto the bed with a snarl, and straddled the fucker while holding them down.

“Faith! Faith! Wake up!”

Faith blinked her eyes open and realized she was staring down at…

“Andrew! What the fuck!”

“You were having a nightmare! Faith! Nightmare!”

Jesus, she was practically pissing on his crotch and had to fight the overwhelming urge to just start humping Andrew right then and there. Christ, she smells like sex begging to happen. No wonder why Andrew was squirming underneath her.

“What are you doing here?” she snarled.

“Willow needs to talk to you and she said I should wake you up and I came in here and you were swearing and moaning ’n stuff.”

Faith flipped off him and thanked god she was at least wearing a t-shirt in deference to her squeamish roommate who had issues with people walking around in their birthday suits. “Get out.”

“Unh. Okay. Do you want to talk about it first? Because I can be…”

“Out. Now.”

Andrew practically evaporated, slamming the door shut behind him.

She had to take care of this. Spending the day with an unsatisfied pussy was never comfortable. She flipped onto her back, practically feeling the sensation of a spouting dick inside her and the welts along her back. She must’ve been really close, because all it took was a few dips into her soaking wet hole and a few clit rubs to bring her off. She came so hard that she was spurting a stream of warm liquid around her fingers as she arched off the bed and bit back a scream.

As her muscles relaxed into the post-orgasmic loose, it hit her.

Oh fuck. I had a cream dream staring Xander Harris.

This wasn’t good. Nope. Not good at all.

You may point and laugh now.

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(points) Ha ha ha ha ha!

Since you seemed to expect it.

On the other hand, not that bad. It sounded like Faith. It sounded like the way Faith would experience and talk about and think about sex, the kind of words and phrases she would use.

And waking up on top of Andrew? Priceless. Bet he'll have some interesting dreams....

But lordy, still not good. :p

The scary thing is, I actually worked really hard on this (at the time I thought I'd use it) but no matter what I did...yuck. I think it's a case either too explicit or not gauzy enough.

*headdesk*

I think I was trying to get character stuff in there, including "state of mind," since it was designed to be borderline violent. Not so much hot as it is ewwwwwwwwwww.

How do other people do it? How?

Knowing Andrew he'll think she was attacking him...

...and wish it had been Xander.

::eyeballs melt::

So keep writing more smut. It follows the same old "the more you write the better you get" rule.

(Not that I'm saying this just so you'll write lots of smut or anything.)

Wow, this Xander really is a dark match for this Faith. And Andrew must be in for a world of confusion....

I think I'll be practicing in private. With a cold shower close by because my imagination is soooo much better than my ability to write it down.

Ummm, like I said, it's a little spoiler-ish for Xander's not-at-all healthy state-of-mind as the story progresses.

Because torturing Xander? Never gets old. Which you know. Heh.

I need to FB your fic, but I'm tied up trying to get the next part to work better. (I want to write thoughtful FB other than the usual "cool!")

*sniff* I feel soooo bad for him in your story.

Glad you're settling in and Herself (Yike! I'm so behind on commenting in friends' journals!) is doing fine and out of the hospital now.

Quite honestly not too bad. I have definately seen worse!! All I have to say is WOW Xander!!

It is significantly hot. Honest.

Awwwww. Hot is good. I'll take hot.

That was ... surreal.

I see what you meant with the earlier commentary, while our-Xander was overhearing other-Xander with other-Anya. That was... very explicit.

I supect that that violent, obscenity-laden fucking (no way I'd refer to that scene as lovemaking) is very much what you were aiming for, and honestly it does come across well. Truth is, I also find it a bit unsettling... but then, I don't have much in the way of a sex life these days and didn't talk dirty during it when I did. :) I'm guessing that "somewhat arousing but vaguely disquieting" was what you were aiming for...?

Well, definitely unsettling and uncomfortable is what I was going for. But the overall tone is definitely jarring. A lot of that area in the story already has a skeleton and this part literally comes out of nowhere and almost for no reason. Plus, there are other ways to address the disturbing aspect without necessarily going this far.

Plus, like I said, some plot elements got moved so it wasn't necessary to keep it in. Considering how much it doesn't fit in and how much I'm not happy with it, it's a relief to cut it. I only threw it out there to sort of prove that me and smut? Not a good match.

But other stuff you picked up on, violence, angry fucking is exactly what was aimed at. Unsettling and off-putting, most definitely.

With out on the lack of sex life. And, ummmm, I've never gotten that extreme either. *heh*

I've read through pretty much all the other pieces you've written on Fanfiction.net, and always been massively impressed at your talent and the knack you have for both characterization and plotting. I suspect you could write it well with more, um, "practice". :)

Oh, by the way, I have no idea of whether or not you're a Firefly fan, but "Living History" gave me some great inspiration for a "Five Rivers that Never Were" fic I'm working on. One of them is "River the Vampire Slayer", and reading your piece put a lot of things into my mind that I'd've never considered otherwise.

So thanks! And keep writing!

Best regards,
- Mark

You definitely sell yourself short. Very extreme, more graphic languge than most smut to be sure...but that came across very clearly as a stylistic choice rather than a dearth of skill. Really, it was well done in a "um...wow. Hot and _boy_ does Xander have a potty-mouth," sort of way. ;-)

Anya trained him. :-)

Yeah, it is a little (okay, a lot) more extreme in language and tone, but I guess I'm one of those weirdos who's like: "When you mean cock, please just write cock, not one-eyed wonder worm of love. Pleez? Kthnxbi."

Also, this was meant to be extreme and angry so, there is that. Why romanticisize something that's not supposed to be romantic at all?

Still, I've done better. *frowns at above* I probably should work more on it, and start doing the beta beg if I want to actually try smut at some time in the future.

Not bad, it might need a beta though. (Smut beta? hee.) *Would offer, but am too shy.* The way you worded some of it tended to throw me right out of the narrative--Faith sounded like Faith, and I really liked parts of it.

OoOoOoOoOo! No kidding. I sooooo need a smut beta and I'm totally with you on the wording. (Heh. There really should be online places where people can look for smut betas. It'll be like a dating service, except much more successful. HEEE!)

Plus, just imagine me (while writing this part) contorting myself asking, "Okay...would a hand be able to do *this* while the two bodies are in *this* position?"

I looked like I was suffering from St. Vitus Dance. Or doing a really not-cool version of yoga.

Let's just say: not a pretty sight.

This is still pretty good...:>

I thought you created a scene of disturbing interaction between two very-much-in-character characters... :shrug: I'd say you could hold your head up high over that effort!

*grins* At least it's an A for effort. But....yeah....not great on the sex part. I actually found a way to do equally disturbing without the smut aspect (way-hay! there's always a way...) so, that tells me it wasn't necessary to begin with.

:grin: Well, having been thinking about this all evening, I've come to the conclusion that you wrote a very successful depictation of real sex, rather than the sort of sex you so often find in fanfics - you know, the sex where both characters cum at the same time screaming each other's names despite it's their first time together sexually speaking...

And to clarify, I'd give you an A+ for Achievement!

she could DEFINATELY hold her own. I was able to visualize VERY well..and thought it was well written. Don't sell yourself short, you're an Excellent writer!!

Thanks for the praise, but really, I don't think it's terribly good. I've certainly done better.

*shrug* I guess I'm my own worst critic. I'm not at all happy with this part.

*rereads certain bits and looks at Liz speculatively*

Hmmm... :)

I don't have many problems with this. It's not too clinical or too... *cough*... sucky. There is Faith-voice here, and the sex is, well, tamer than I'd expect. Honestly, I'm desperately trying not to giggle at the idea of the purple nipple thing. Excuse me for a second...

Right. Sorry about that. Seriously though, it's fun to read. And I realize why you couldn't put it in "Water" as you decided that certain people wouldn't know about certain exchanges of bodily fluids when certain other people got back from gadding about the alternate dimensions.

Can I just say that not having a mention of it might taint any future interactions between the two persons in question? I mean, it's not something I can see as being such a huge problem with... the girl involved. It could even be played out for laughs eventually. But then, all of this is simply because you write the two characters in question so well that I can't stop my mind from wandering through all the possibilities.

And I've just realized that in tiptoeing around the issue, I have clearly made no sense whatsoever. Please ignore me :)

I really don't think you suck at writing smut.

The only problem I see with your smut-ability is an occasional awkward word choice. That's part of why I don't write smut: I have no feel for when to use tame vernacular, when to use racy vernacular, when to use a smut-only term or when to use a more clinical word. (For example, the boob/tit/globe/breast choice.) It's one of those things that jumps out at me when it doesn't work in something I'm reading, but I've got no idea how to do it any better when I'm writing.

The other main reason why I don't write smut is because, despite my best attempts to overcome it, I am a bit of a prudish Yankee at heart. Do you think you have similar issues? If so, that might explain why you find it so hard to write.

And I appreciate the faux-yoga you went through trying to puzzle out the positions. (Heh.) One of my issues with a lot of the smut that I read is that the participants would need to have more joints than the average human or other totally unrealistic body parts in order to accomplish what is being described.

The thing to keep in mind is that you are a very, very good writer. And as a very, very good writer, you have the ability to write just about anything you want. It's just a question of working in a particular genre or style often enough to get comfortable with the unique choices that the genre or style presents. Once you get over that hurdle, I'm sure you could be one of the best F/X smut writers in the land. Or one of the best MartyStu!Xander writers in the land. Or one of the best Angel/Seely slash writers in the land. *shudder* Whatever you put your mind to, I'm sure you can do.

Whoa.

Sarcastically: Boy do you suck at smut.

Now I find myself easily identifying with the 'roommate' with the Faith nakedness issues (prudish... and in this day and age too *sigh*), so I'm all with the displaced awkwardness at posting something like this, but damn! Cool!

And you brought back the potty mouth! Forgot all about it! Do you have like a giant whiteboard with all the details next to your computer???

I think you're beeing too hard on yourself.

JG

Not great, but certainly not bad. :) Faith sounds like herself, but Xander? Eh...maybe Anya had a bit more of an effect on him than we got to see onscreen.

(I *so* needed a break from reality. Thanks for giving me an entertaining one.)

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FLocked Water Hold Me Down Extra (DVD cut)

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Hard to say... maybe something more vanilla?

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