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Kayaking Adventures: How I Saved a Little Old Lady from Getting Beat Up By a Swan
Yay! I can finally post on LJ without anything getting eaten!
Yesterday I was out on the River getting in some quality kayaking in what was the most gorgeous day. My upper body strength must be astounding because I rowed 6 miles in just under 2 hours without hardly any effort, despite the fact I was rowing the equivalent of a cork in bathtub and was fighting the crazy hydrodynamics of a rain-swollen Charles River.
Behold, I am cute and mighty! \0/
And it sure as hell wasn't the kayak contributing anything to my fantastic time. After a season of rowing all the sleek kayaks with rudders and skegs, I had a basic kayak with no rudder or skeg. (All the good ones had been rented out overnight to a group taking them off-site. Pooh.) I was rowing a Necky Manitou 13. While it is a peppy, responsive little boat, it's also a lot like rowing a cork in the bathtub like I said.
To be honest, I'm falling more and more in love with the Necky Manitou 14. Much as I love the Wilderness Systems Zephyr, there's something about the Manitou 14 that just "fits" me so well.
Aside from a less-than-optimal kayak, another thing against me was the odd hydrodynamics of the Charles River Lakes Region this year thanks to the crapload of rain that's hit us all summer. The river is behaving more like a lake that just happens to have a shockingly strong river current meandering through it. This river current is actually visible in the form of surprisingly choppy water that requires you to put some effort into fighting it if you're rowing against the current.
How screwed up is the hydrodynamics of the river? All the river plants are taking a beating this year. Depending on where they are, they're either getting swept away by the strong river current, or they're drowning in the rain-swollen calm areas. It's a little eerie to see underwater fields of lily pads with "channels" through them that have clearly been carved by Mother Nature. Parts of the river are now accessible that normally wouldn't be because of the profusion of plant life.
Now, no doubt, you want to hear about how I saved a little old lady from getting beaten up by a swan.
First, let me set the scene. There's a section of the river that has a lot of islands and promontories jutting into the river. In this one particular area, it gets pretty narrow, just big enough for two kayaks to pass through. Worse, it's a bit of a blind curve because of the trees growing on the islands and the shore. You can't see who might be up ahead until you're already nosing into the blind curve.
Up ahead, I could see a trio of kayakers consisting of an older woman and two teens passing through this narrow area. Because I was rowing along at a pretty good clip, I was gaining on them pretty quickly, but I figured all three would be through that area before I caught up.
As I turn the corner, I see the older woman is stalled right at the opening that would bring her into the wider river, and that the kids were a couple of yards ahead.
I think, "No problem. I'll just navigate around her."
As I do that, see that a family of swans is blocking any hope of moving forward. We're talking two monster-sized adult swans and five — count 'em five — juveniles. The juveniles were almost as large as the adults, but were still covered in grey fluffy down. There wasn't even a hint of a white feather on them.
Now, I think you need to realize something important here (aside from the fact that swans are evil, I mean). When you're sitting in a kayak and you're barely 5'1" in your stocking feet, an adult swan in the water is as tall as you are. In short, it can look you right in the eyeball while it decides whether or not it's going to kick the ever-loving shit out of you.
And this little old lady in the kayak was shorter than I am.
Needless to say, life was looking to get interesting.
Dramatis Personnae:
Our Heroine (OH): [sees evil swan family with two adults and five cygnets] Oh, shit!
Evil Adult Swans: *glares at kayaks*
Fuzzy Five Baby Swans: *swim, swim, swim*
Innocent Little Old Lady (ILOL): Aren't they beautiful? I've never been this close before!
OH: Don't. Move.
ILOL: What?
Evil Mommy Swan (EMS): *sidles up to ILOL's kayak*
OH: Don't. Move. You might set them off.
Fuzzy Baby Swan (FBS): *darts over to my kayak and settles in about 6 inches from my right hand*
ILOL: Set them off? What do you mean?
OH: Swans are evil. If you make a wrong move, that swan floating right next to your boat is going to go bonkers and attack.
ILOL: It's a bird.
OH: A bird that's big enough and mean enough that it can break bones if it hits you hard enough. You'll end up tipping over and wind up in the the river. So, don't move until I tell you to move.
EMS: *glares at ILOL and pulls right up to her cockpit; ILOL and EMS are now eyeball to eyeball*
FBS: *innocently looks at OH like it can't quite make out what kind of bird OH might be*
ILOL: Ummmm, they're bigger than I thought they were.
OH: [looks at FBS] Don't try and pat it. They'll take off your hand at the wrist.
ILOL: Seriously?
FBS: *looking fuzzy, cute, and innocent like it wouldn't hurt a fly*
EMS: *continues glaring at ILOL*
Meanwhile, Daddy Swan (I assume it was the male because it was bigger than the Evil Mommy Swan menacing the Innocent Little Old Lady) had corralled the remaining four cygnets and had gotten them out of the way of our kayaks.
EMS: *twitches head to see where all her babies are*
OH: Get your paddle in the water. Slowly.
ILOL: *does as she's told*
FBS: *studies OH's kayak*
EMS: *turns glare back on ILOL and makes a warning trumpeting sound without even opening its beak*
OH: Move, move move!
ILOL: *starts rowing like a bat out of hell*
OH: *waits until ILOL is clear and then rows even faster just as EMS starts turning the evil glare on OH*
The whole thing took less than two minutes. During that time, the two teens realized that they had lost their grandmother and were turning their kayaks around to look for her. They saw she was with a second person, and figured she had stopped to talk to me. What they didn't realize that we were dealing with two adult swans who were not at all pleased to see us.
As soon as I caught up to her, the Innocent Little Old Lady said she never knew swans were evil. I explained that kayakers on the river make it a habit to warn if there were swans close by to other kayakers.
Anyway, it turns out that this was the first time this Innocent Little Old Lady had ever been in a kayak. (Good for her!) And that she was there with her grandchildren because she was curious what it was like. She even asked me about lessons.
Awwwwww.
Anyway, she thanked me for helping her out because she didn't even know that she had gotten herself in a tight spot. I told her it wasn't a problem.
As I rowed off, she was telling her grandchildren about our little adventure with the swans.
So, that's how I came eye-to-eye with the Evil Swans and lived to tell the tale. :-)
The cool bit of this story is that I actually got to hear a swan's trumpet. I never heard it for myself before.
It's actually kind of menacing when a swan does it while glaring at you.
The the moral of the story: When in negotiations with Mother Nature, keep in mind that Mother Nature always wins. All you can do is remain calm until the crisis is past.
Yesterday I was out on the River getting in some quality kayaking in what was the most gorgeous day. My upper body strength must be astounding because I rowed 6 miles in just under 2 hours without hardly any effort, despite the fact I was rowing the equivalent of a cork in bathtub and was fighting the crazy hydrodynamics of a rain-swollen Charles River.
Behold, I am cute and mighty! \0/
And it sure as hell wasn't the kayak contributing anything to my fantastic time. After a season of rowing all the sleek kayaks with rudders and skegs, I had a basic kayak with no rudder or skeg. (All the good ones had been rented out overnight to a group taking them off-site. Pooh.) I was rowing a Necky Manitou 13. While it is a peppy, responsive little boat, it's also a lot like rowing a cork in the bathtub like I said.
To be honest, I'm falling more and more in love with the Necky Manitou 14. Much as I love the Wilderness Systems Zephyr, there's something about the Manitou 14 that just "fits" me so well.
Aside from a less-than-optimal kayak, another thing against me was the odd hydrodynamics of the Charles River Lakes Region this year thanks to the crapload of rain that's hit us all summer. The river is behaving more like a lake that just happens to have a shockingly strong river current meandering through it. This river current is actually visible in the form of surprisingly choppy water that requires you to put some effort into fighting it if you're rowing against the current.
How screwed up is the hydrodynamics of the river? All the river plants are taking a beating this year. Depending on where they are, they're either getting swept away by the strong river current, or they're drowning in the rain-swollen calm areas. It's a little eerie to see underwater fields of lily pads with "channels" through them that have clearly been carved by Mother Nature. Parts of the river are now accessible that normally wouldn't be because of the profusion of plant life.
Now, no doubt, you want to hear about how I saved a little old lady from getting beaten up by a swan.
First, let me set the scene. There's a section of the river that has a lot of islands and promontories jutting into the river. In this one particular area, it gets pretty narrow, just big enough for two kayaks to pass through. Worse, it's a bit of a blind curve because of the trees growing on the islands and the shore. You can't see who might be up ahead until you're already nosing into the blind curve.
Up ahead, I could see a trio of kayakers consisting of an older woman and two teens passing through this narrow area. Because I was rowing along at a pretty good clip, I was gaining on them pretty quickly, but I figured all three would be through that area before I caught up.
As I turn the corner, I see the older woman is stalled right at the opening that would bring her into the wider river, and that the kids were a couple of yards ahead.
I think, "No problem. I'll just navigate around her."
As I do that, see that a family of swans is blocking any hope of moving forward. We're talking two monster-sized adult swans and five — count 'em five — juveniles. The juveniles were almost as large as the adults, but were still covered in grey fluffy down. There wasn't even a hint of a white feather on them.
Now, I think you need to realize something important here (aside from the fact that swans are evil, I mean). When you're sitting in a kayak and you're barely 5'1" in your stocking feet, an adult swan in the water is as tall as you are. In short, it can look you right in the eyeball while it decides whether or not it's going to kick the ever-loving shit out of you.
And this little old lady in the kayak was shorter than I am.
Needless to say, life was looking to get interesting.
Dramatis Personnae:
- Our Heroine (OH)
- Innocent Little Old Lady (ILOL)
- Evil Mommy Swan (EMS)
- Fuzzy Baby Swan (FBS)
Our Heroine (OH): [sees evil swan family with two adults and five cygnets] Oh, shit!
Evil Adult Swans: *glares at kayaks*
Fuzzy Five Baby Swans: *swim, swim, swim*
Innocent Little Old Lady (ILOL): Aren't they beautiful? I've never been this close before!
OH: Don't. Move.
ILOL: What?
Evil Mommy Swan (EMS): *sidles up to ILOL's kayak*
OH: Don't. Move. You might set them off.
Fuzzy Baby Swan (FBS): *darts over to my kayak and settles in about 6 inches from my right hand*
ILOL: Set them off? What do you mean?
OH: Swans are evil. If you make a wrong move, that swan floating right next to your boat is going to go bonkers and attack.
ILOL: It's a bird.
OH: A bird that's big enough and mean enough that it can break bones if it hits you hard enough. You'll end up tipping over and wind up in the the river. So, don't move until I tell you to move.
EMS: *glares at ILOL and pulls right up to her cockpit; ILOL and EMS are now eyeball to eyeball*
FBS: *innocently looks at OH like it can't quite make out what kind of bird OH might be*
ILOL: Ummmm, they're bigger than I thought they were.
OH: [looks at FBS] Don't try and pat it. They'll take off your hand at the wrist.
ILOL: Seriously?
FBS: *looking fuzzy, cute, and innocent like it wouldn't hurt a fly*
EMS: *continues glaring at ILOL*
Meanwhile, Daddy Swan (I assume it was the male because it was bigger than the Evil Mommy Swan menacing the Innocent Little Old Lady) had corralled the remaining four cygnets and had gotten them out of the way of our kayaks.
EMS: *twitches head to see where all her babies are*
OH: Get your paddle in the water. Slowly.
ILOL: *does as she's told*
FBS: *studies OH's kayak*
EMS: *turns glare back on ILOL and makes a warning trumpeting sound without even opening its beak*
OH: Move, move move!
ILOL: *starts rowing like a bat out of hell*
OH: *waits until ILOL is clear and then rows even faster just as EMS starts turning the evil glare on OH*
The whole thing took less than two minutes. During that time, the two teens realized that they had lost their grandmother and were turning their kayaks around to look for her. They saw she was with a second person, and figured she had stopped to talk to me. What they didn't realize that we were dealing with two adult swans who were not at all pleased to see us.
As soon as I caught up to her, the Innocent Little Old Lady said she never knew swans were evil. I explained that kayakers on the river make it a habit to warn if there were swans close by to other kayakers.
Anyway, it turns out that this was the first time this Innocent Little Old Lady had ever been in a kayak. (Good for her!) And that she was there with her grandchildren because she was curious what it was like. She even asked me about lessons.
Awwwwww.
Anyway, she thanked me for helping her out because she didn't even know that she had gotten herself in a tight spot. I told her it wasn't a problem.
As I rowed off, she was telling her grandchildren about our little adventure with the swans.
So, that's how I came eye-to-eye with the Evil Swans and lived to tell the tale. :-)
The cool bit of this story is that I actually got to hear a swan's trumpet. I never heard it for myself before.
It's actually kind of menacing when a swan does it while glaring at you.
The the moral of the story: When in negotiations with Mother Nature, keep in mind that Mother Nature always wins. All you can do is remain calm until the crisis is past.
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I would recommend finding a local boat house that does rentals and gives lessons (if they sell season passes, even better because you save mucho dinero if it turns out to be something you enjoy).
I do recommend taking at least basic lessons. Some of the paddle strokes are pretty obvious if you've ever been in a canoe, but some of them a less so (like my favorite move of using your paddle like a rudder). Plus they teach you basic exit techniques, like how to get back in the kayak if you do something stupid and tip over (yes, I've tipped over, more than once by doing something stupid).
It's easy enough that if all you're doing is light touring kayaking (rivers, ponds, sheltered harbors) all you really need is the basic course. If you decide to go in for ocean kayaking or whitewater, you definitely will need more advanced classes because that requires a different set of paddling skills and more specialized kayaks/paddles.
Also, get in with a rental place for a year or two. That way, you'll be able to try out different kayak types (kayaks come in classes from recreational to ocean-going) and find out which ones are the best fit.
Like I said: seasonal passes are your best bet if you're starting out. Even in New England, $275 gets you unlimited rows from mid-April to November 1. Other kayakers I know online who live further south have a slightly longer rowing season.
I'm more of a light touring type person, and those are the kayaks I tend to like more.
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It's kind of like a familiarity breeds contempt situation. The birds are everywhere. Cities (especially the large ones like Boston) keep them in the public parks. Ergo: They can't be dangerous.
I'm willing to concede that somewhat domesticated swans in the public parks might not be as dangerous as the wild swans, but we were eyeball-to-eyeball with wild swans...humans need not apply in the care feeding of these swans because they're perfectly capable of living without human interference.
But still, even domesticated swans need to be dealt with on a cautionary basis because, well, you gotta trust a swan to be a swan and deal with it on that level.
It always amazes me the ignorance people have about nature. It's not for nothing that it's red in tooth and claw.
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My family has owned a farm for three generations now. One of the families that worked for my uncle lived on the farm. They kept chickens, guina fowl and geese. Huge freaking things. All white and pretty. And mean, mean, mean. They'd charge up and slap us with their wings. The first couple of times it was with the tips, and if you ran that was alright. But if you didn't they's change to the knuckle, fold their wing tips back and go at you with that first joint. Sounds like swans do the same. Yay you for protecting the lady from the evil birds of doom.
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I've seen Mute Swans in England, and faced down Canada Geese on land by walking around a screening bush, and I don't envy your experiance one bit.
Trumpeters and Tundra Swans are less aggressive on the water, even with young, but in general I stay the heck away from birds that are defening their babies; there's a point and speed of approach when you realize that a hummingbird's beak is mighty pointy.
Julia, and Mute Swans are infamous; I think it strange that the centuries of belonging to royalty has given them no sense of noblesse oblige.
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Swans have been added to the list of bad animals, joining sharks, wasps, chinchillas, and anything with more than two eyes.
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I once spent a morbidly merry afternoon in a park in the PNW watching the male of the resident pair of swans play a live version of Whack-a-Mole. On the surface of the pond. With the local fuzzy baby ducklings playing the part of the whackee.
Ducks and ducklings mill about on water. Male swan glides over and straight into group. Everyone scatters. Slowest couple of ducklings get cut out of group by swan.
Ducklings paddle frantically. Male swan lifts his head with a grand flourish then *snap* lowers it and soundly thumps a duckling, causing it to completely submerge. Repeat on any other duckling within reach. Lift head,glance about idly, swim off as if nothing happened.
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You've really come a long way with kayaking--when was it you started?
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