On the State of Small Town Journalism Today...

[liz_marcs]

Dear Reporters Who Are Currently Employed At a Small-Town Newspaper I Used to Work At,

What the fuck?

No, seriously.

What the fuck?

I have no words. You all write like you rode the short bus to journalism school. When I clicked around and saw your pictures, my worst fears were confirmed. You all look like you write.

Not to mention that most of you look like you're 12.

You write like you're 12, too.

I expected any minute to come across LOLZ! and ROTFLMAO! in the middle of an aritcle. No shit. Your writing is that pathetic.

In case you missed it, no, I don't think this is a good thing.

There's this little thing I like to call "grammar." You may recall what this mysterious grammar is, but going by the articles I read on your Web site, I seriously doubt it. Here's a little rant to refresh your memory.

Back in the bad ol' days, when we had to trudge through fire, flood, nor'easter, and hurricane-force winds — not to mention walk uphill both ways — to get to a story, we had to wear suits (yes, even the wimmins) and pumps (yes, even the mens) so the cops would know we weren't one of the gawkers at the latest murder-by-machete over a drug deal gone bad. We had to look professional, lest someone confuse us local prostitutes and johns. Although I confess that wearing a suit didn't always distinguish me from the prostitutes in the eyes of some johns. I could've seriously added to my income on some nights if I was up for a little sucky-sucky-twenty-five-dollars.

You, on the other hand, all look like you woke up in jail and are confuzzled about how you got there. This is in the pictures on your newspaper's Web site fer chrissakes. Couldn't you, I don't know, at least comb your hair before your pictures were taken?

You may think this is an amusing aside, but it really isn't. You don't look professional. This is not surprising because your writing, as individual "reporters" and as a "newsroom," sucks donkey balls. It is not professional in any way, shape, or form.

Where the fuck is the copy desk? And why haven't the copy editors killed you yet? At the very least, why haven't they whipped the lot of you with leather belts until you agree to read Strunk and White and follow the AP Stylebook like good little reporters?

Here's a hint:

When using using the possessive noun when refering to the shoes of multiple little kids, you write, "the children's shoes" not "the childs' shoes."

Commas are inside the quotation marks. Always. Not just sometimes and not just when you feel like it.

At some point in the story, can you please tell me the first name of the person you're quoting? Tradition holds that it should be on the first mention, but at this point I'm not picky. I'll take it even if it's in the last graph.

And what the fuck is this lead?

"Workers on Thursday began the tall task of cleaning up after Wednesday's Vans Warped Tour concert, which drew 15,000 fans to the city's airport."

"Tall task?" That's flipping awkward phrase, dontchya think? Especially considering you buried the frigging lede, which was scattered all over this particular story like shards of glass.

I've got a better lead for you, which I wrote precisely 2.5 seconds after I scanned your story:

"Local officials yesterday debated whether the $25,000 paid by the Warped Tour for use of the city airport was worth it as city workers began the arduous task of cleaning up after 15,000 concert-goers and local business owners calculated the sales that they lost as a result of traffic-choked roads."

I read your lede and I'm all: "Yeah, I guess cleaning up after 15,000 concert-goers is a 'tall task.' So?"

Your lede is not telling me why your story is "news," let alone why it's on the front page above the fold or why I should read it.

I read my lede and go, "Wow! Next time, the city better ask for more money and make some demands on those Warped Tour people to deal with litter and traffic before they let them back into the airport."

Maybe my lede doesn't explain why this story is on the front page, but at least it explains why the story is news and that maybe I should read more to get the skinny. What's more, even if I don't read any further than the lede, I know exactly what the story's about.

Back in my day, if a reporter wrote a lede like yours, Mike, the chain-smoking copy editor from hell — not to mention the best damn copy editor in the whole damn universe — would've humiliated that reporter in middle of the newsroom. If the poor reporter ran into him outside before Mike had a chance to humiliate that reporter in the newsroom, Mike would've slowly lit up one of his beloved Camels, then he would've taken a purposeful three puffs until that lit end started glowing a nice, bright, hellfire red, and then he would've stubbed the lit end in one of that reporter's eyes.

He didn't do it to be mean. He did it because he fucking cared, man. He fucking cared for you, and your mad skilllz, and the newspaper.

I know, because I worked with the dude at two newspapers. No shit. I got my job at the second newspaper because he saw me come in and told the managing editor to hire my ass before someone else did.

Mike fucking loved me so much, he went out of his way to kick my ass if he thought I slacked off for so much as a second.

You guys? Wouldn't last 5 seconds in the newsroom with ol' Mike. Nope. Not at all. Because this writing I see? It's shit. Utter and absolute shit.

I cannot belive that this same newspaper once produced YA author Robert Cormier.

How the mighty have fallen.

That weeping sound you're hearing? That's me.

It's okay. Ignore me if you want.

Do me one favor, though.

Get down on your knees — yes, you, and you, and you, and all of your little newsroom buddies — and thank your respective deities that I'm not on the copy desk.

'Cause if I was, I'd beat you all black-and-blue until you learned how to write like the professionals you're supposed to be. More than a few of you would have one eye.

You wanna know why I'd humiliate your ass like that?

Because I fucking care, man.

And I learned from the best.

[This rant brought to you by the letters Q and S, and the number 7. Sponsored by the Corporation for I-Will-From-Now-On-Deny-Until-My-Dying-Day-That-I-Got-A-Journalism-Degree.]

I have to go breathe into a paper bag now.

Comments

[zgirl714.livejournal.com]

So, its better that I opted to get a creative writing degree? I was going to have journalism as my minor but decided against it at the last minute. Is that why you don't work at a newspaper anymore (assuming that you don't)?

Tell us how you REALLY feel

[drmercurious.livejournal.com]

There hasn't been real writing in a newspaper for /years/. And people wonder why I don't read them anymore.

Heck, only reason I get them is to recycle the durn things. Maybe, one day, they'll be reborn as something more readable, like an official Buffyverse book.

[tintros.livejournal.com]

Newspaper readership has been on the decline for years, and there's a lot of debate as to what to do about it. One of the considered alternatives is 'youthing up' the papers, more young, hip reporters, looking like they just stepped off of G4's Live Coverage of E3! and into the 'newsroom', of doing more blog-style reporting, and of changing the format to go all-online.

Maybe that's some of what you're seeing.

[ferociouswalrus.livejournal.com]

It's not just your local paper. I spent a year as a Journalism major before switching to my current Broadcasting track. I'm currently interning at the local news radio station. One Journalism teacher I had actually showed us copies of the Cleveland Plain Dealer to show us how not to write. (well, we had to pay for our own copies, but it was the same thing) Many of the stories had what they called "story" leads, and many of them didn't have leads at all. They WANTED you to have to turn to page A23 to read the rest of the story because that meant you'd have to actually buy the paper; you would have to leaf through and look at the ads. And you think PRINT is bad, I could start talking about some of the stuff that passes for broadcast journalism...

[othercat.livejournal.com]

Meeeeep!

I would hate to be those reporters, for my ears would be burning. :>

Shoul be:-

[keith5by5.livejournal.com]

"Workers on Thursday began cleaning up after Wednesday's Vans Warped Tour concert, which drew 15,000 fans to the city's airport."

That's better, right?

Also, our local paper is much the same. They'll use the same adjective and adverb repeatedly in the same sentence, not to mention simple things like getting the date wrong, and re-printing the same article two times.

[speakr2customrs.livejournal.com]

Workers on Thursday began the tall task of cleaning up after Wednesday's Vans Warped Tour concert, which drew 15,000 fans to the city's airport.

City official Arnold Beancounter blamed budget problems and exorbitant wage demands for his recent controversial decision to fire the regular trash collection crews and to replace them with trained giraffes.

[a2zmom.livejournal.com]

Damn. I really want to read the rest of this.

[faith-chaos.livejournal.com]

I can see how discovering that what you used to do, what you used to put so much effort into and work your ass off to do something you could call your own with no shame, is now done by the equivalent of on-crack-typewriter monkeys.

I feel for you.

Faith.

[texanfan.livejournal.com]

Don't look back. Never look back. It only causes pain. Of course, in this case it might be you inflicting pain on the 12 year old reporters and that might be theraputic. :)

[a2zmom.livejournal.com]

Writing in general is a lost art. Go to any HS and weep.

[pinkdormouse.livejournal.com]

Arghhh. Not that local newspapers over here are any better.

Aside: do US papers do that thing where they print a story about a major international disaster and focus mostly on the one local person involved? I assume they do: "Big planne crash kills hundreds in India. Three Sheffield people not dead." and all that.

[learnedhand-dj.livejournal.com]

I had a long anecdote of my own in here, but I cut it out because I was being self-indulgent. Suffice it to say that one reason why Johnny Can't Write, at least not as well as he used to, is because of poor writing instruction in the secondary school years. If you don't know how to write a good sentence, you can't write a good paragraph. If you can't write a good paragraph, you can't write a good article.

And I'm sure it's not just the small town newspaper you used to work for. Here's a sample first sentence from the most recent issue of my local paper:

"The Norway police are planning to take a trip to Rhode Island to give Robby Gene Brackett, 28, of Paris, an all-expenses-paid return trip to Maine."

(Brackett somehow escaped from the Norway P.D. into the woods on May 20, despite being handcuffed and put into the back of a patrol car. The article was about how he was found and taken into custody by the Rhode Island State Police after a car he was riding in was pulled over for speeding, that the Norway P.D. is planning on going down to get him after his extradition hearing, and what charges he faces upon his return.)

My local paper's problem tends to be headlines more than ledes, which indicates that the problem isn't just with the writers, but the editors, too. A few examples:

"Dam problems, but darn few solutions in Oxford" -- bad puns are the norm.

"Waterford mail thefts resolved?" -- lots of questions in the heads, which means you have to read the article to find out exactly what the status is.

"Money, time running out for Cindy" -- sure, it's a small town newspaper, but too frequently it presumes that everyone in the area either knows everyone else or reads the paper every week, so it makes shorthand references to people like this all the time.

"Court says chief deputy can't carry any firearms" -- another example of the everyone-knows-everyone's-business presumption. Chief Deputy of what? Which court? Why can't he carry firearms?

[learnedhand-dj.livejournal.com]

One other thing: the story I quoted the first sentence from was on the first page, just below the fold. The Cindy headline was the first head and the chief deputy one was the second head, both above the fold. The Waterford and Oxford heads were also on the first page, below the fold. Ahh, small town life.