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Dear Lazy-Ass Bitch Next Door,
We share a two-car driveway. I know you know this.
Every time there is a snow storm, I go out and shovel my half of our very long shared driveway. I shovel down to the pavement. I shovel through the snowbank that is left behind by snowplows. I do this because I do not want to get up at 5 a.m. to shovel my ass out.
Now, I do this not just because I want to get to work sometime before it's time to go home. I do this so I can pull my car out of the driveway so our landlord can send in the snowplow to clean the part that I don't shovel. As you know, the snowplow will not snowplow us out unless our cars are not in the driveway. They don't want to be responsible for damaging our cars. I don't blame them.
I have lived here two years. I am going on my third winter here.
I think you should know. I've noticed a pattern with you.
I go out and shovel. You wait for me to go out and shovel. I know this because I've played the waiting game with you. I've sat on my ass in my apartment and waited for you to go out first. You never do. I must go out first before you so much as poke your nose outside.
I've also noticed something else. The second I'm done digging out my half of the driveway, the second I crawl into my apartment full of stiff muscle soreness, you come tripping out your apartment with your little shovel.
Do you shovel your half of our shared driveway?
No.
What you do is dig out the front of your car just enough so you can drive onto the part that I've shoveled. As a result, we essentially have a one-car driveway during snowstorms.
This pisses me off to no end.
Now, I've confronted you about this. I've asked you why you don't do your share of the shoveling.
You have given me the following reasons:
My response: You're XX years old? Lady, I am 2 years older than you are. I take comfort in the fact that you think you're "old." That means your mindset is much older than me. It also means you'll die a lot younger than I will. Mind over matter, after all.
My response: The really hilarious thing about this is that if someone looked at us side-by-side, they'd think you're the healthier one because you're thinner than I am. They might also think that you're stronger. Now, to be fair, before I tore apart my knee three years ago, I ran and I lifted weights. I was never a skinny minnie, by any stretch of the imagination. It is entirely possible that I am a hell of a lot healthier and stronger than you are. However, if you play the age card one more time, I will choke a bitch, 'kay?
My response: And thank yooooouuuuuuu for setting back feminism to the 1950s, bitch. I don't know if you've noticed, but I am a single woman. I not only can land a job that enables me to support myself, I can shovel out my own damn half of the driveway without a big, strong man to help me. Now, perhaps it is my can-do attitude that has resulted in me being dateless for longer than I care to think about. But do you know what? Any guy who is threatened by my ability to shovel my own ass out is probably not a guy I want to date. Just saying.
Furthermore, I feel I should point out: you very clearly have "a man" in your life capable of shoveling your ass out. Sadly, I appear to be that man. Now, I don't know if you've noticed, but my tits are a hell of a lot bigger than yours. I can only assume that you need glasses.
I apologize for the bitchiness of this rant. You see? I've just spent the past hour-and-a-half shoveling my own ass out so I'll be able to get out of my half of the driveway in the morning.
There is 18 inches of snow out there. It's deeper in parts because of snow drifts. It is approximately 18 degrees F. Factor in the windchill factor, it is 6 degrees F below zero because the wind is blowing approximately 24 mph.
I am still shivering. My upper back muscles are screaming. I am very, very cranky.
However, I noticed that not 20 minutes after I walked into my apartment looking like a snowman, you've come tra-la-laing out with your cute little shovel and you are, once again, being a lazy-ass bitch.
Fuck you. Fuck your shovel. And fuck your "older" ass.
No love,
Me
Every time there is a snow storm, I go out and shovel my half of our very long shared driveway. I shovel down to the pavement. I shovel through the snowbank that is left behind by snowplows. I do this because I do not want to get up at 5 a.m. to shovel my ass out.
Now, I do this not just because I want to get to work sometime before it's time to go home. I do this so I can pull my car out of the driveway so our landlord can send in the snowplow to clean the part that I don't shovel. As you know, the snowplow will not snowplow us out unless our cars are not in the driveway. They don't want to be responsible for damaging our cars. I don't blame them.
I have lived here two years. I am going on my third winter here.
I think you should know. I've noticed a pattern with you.
I go out and shovel. You wait for me to go out and shovel. I know this because I've played the waiting game with you. I've sat on my ass in my apartment and waited for you to go out first. You never do. I must go out first before you so much as poke your nose outside.
I've also noticed something else. The second I'm done digging out my half of the driveway, the second I crawl into my apartment full of stiff muscle soreness, you come tripping out your apartment with your little shovel.
Do you shovel your half of our shared driveway?
No.
What you do is dig out the front of your car just enough so you can drive onto the part that I've shoveled. As a result, we essentially have a one-car driveway during snowstorms.
This pisses me off to no end.
Now, I've confronted you about this. I've asked you why you don't do your share of the shoveling.
You have given me the following reasons:
- I am much older than you. I am XX years old, so I don't have your youth and strength.
My response: You're XX years old? Lady, I am 2 years older than you are. I take comfort in the fact that you think you're "old." That means your mindset is much older than me. It also means you'll die a lot younger than I will. Mind over matter, after all.
- Because I'm older than you, you're much healthier and stronger than my weak, old body.
My response: The really hilarious thing about this is that if someone looked at us side-by-side, they'd think you're the healthier one because you're thinner than I am. They might also think that you're stronger. Now, to be fair, before I tore apart my knee three years ago, I ran and I lifted weights. I was never a skinny minnie, by any stretch of the imagination. It is entirely possible that I am a hell of a lot healthier and stronger than you are. However, if you play the age card one more time, I will choke a bitch, 'kay?
- I am a weak woman without a man in her life. Therefore, shoveling is such a chore for me because I am a weak woman without a man in her life.
My response: And thank yooooouuuuuuu for setting back feminism to the 1950s, bitch. I don't know if you've noticed, but I am a single woman. I not only can land a job that enables me to support myself, I can shovel out my own damn half of the driveway without a big, strong man to help me. Now, perhaps it is my can-do attitude that has resulted in me being dateless for longer than I care to think about. But do you know what? Any guy who is threatened by my ability to shovel my own ass out is probably not a guy I want to date. Just saying.
Furthermore, I feel I should point out: you very clearly have "a man" in your life capable of shoveling your ass out. Sadly, I appear to be that man. Now, I don't know if you've noticed, but my tits are a hell of a lot bigger than yours. I can only assume that you need glasses.
I apologize for the bitchiness of this rant. You see? I've just spent the past hour-and-a-half shoveling my own ass out so I'll be able to get out of my half of the driveway in the morning.
There is 18 inches of snow out there. It's deeper in parts because of snow drifts. It is approximately 18 degrees F. Factor in the windchill factor, it is 6 degrees F below zero because the wind is blowing approximately 24 mph.
I am still shivering. My upper back muscles are screaming. I am very, very cranky.
However, I noticed that not 20 minutes after I walked into my apartment looking like a snowman, you've come tra-la-laing out with your cute little shovel and you are, once again, being a lazy-ass bitch.
Fuck you. Fuck your shovel. And fuck your "older" ass.
No love,
Me
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I think you should build one ENORMOUS ass snowman right outside her door so she can't get out. Um, unless that's the door you have to use, too, in which case you should wait to build the snowman until just before you leave for work in the morning.
*Hugs* We were just out shoveling too and it is fucking COLD and WINDY and HORRIBLE out there. My face was numb in less than 10 minutes.
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Yeah, we really did get whacked upside the head, didn't we? I went out there after the storms height and that wind just went right through me.
God bless my waterproof Timberland boots (manufactured New Hampshire) and alpacca gloves (made at a Massachusetts alpacca farm), though. My hands and feet were dry and actually warm. I also have a coat from Johnson Woolen Mills (manufactured in Vermont), so my torso was actually warm and dry as well.
Which only goes to show: buy local. It's more expensive, but on a day like today, you truly do appreciate clothes that have been made in New England.
The part between my Timberlands and my thighs, however...soaked and cold. I'm still shivering despite the hot shower, hot meal, and hot tea.
As for neighbor woman, she's actually in the apartment next door, so a snowman would be doable. It's also way too much work that early in the morning for me.
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Have a hot cup of tea and bask in your superiority over the lazy-ass bitch!
*twirls you around*
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Thank you. I also need a heating pad and hug. :-)
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....trying to think of some way you could get her not to use your shovelled part....
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Grrrrrrrr....
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Nothing says, "Fuck you!" like going out of your way and doing more work to make someone do more work.
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Maaaaaan, it really drives me nuts. Especially since this time she shoveled so little, that I have no flipping clue how she's going to get out without hitting me.
I will keeeeel her ass if she hits my car. I'm still paying for it. Grrrrrrrrr.
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Keep warm!
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*blink*
2> May I suggest that The next time you shovel your walk in this way, you pull your car out, so she can't shovel her way to what you have cleared, as your car will be blocking the path? i.e. unless you move your car, her ass is stuck?
Re: *blink*
2>This would be a great idea, except in the nor'easter we're currently having, the snow is drifting something feirce. I'm in a protected cubbyhole between two houses, so my car is actually relatively free and clear. It's the driveway behind it that's the problem and needs shoveling.
However, next time there's a storm without howling winds that's drifting the snow higher than my head even as we speak, I will most definitely be doing that. Excellent idea.
Re: *blink*
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We got around 18 inches here. I din't shovel either. That's why I have evil devil spawn.
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Hmmmmm, evil devil spawn. I so need to get me a couple of those...
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Thank good most of my outwear is locally made, so my feet, hands, and torso was warm. It's my legs that got soaked and really cold, which seems to drop the overall body temperature no matter what.
I'm planning on boiling up a hot toddy. Brandy. Honey. Hot water. I can't go wrong.
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Sadly, tonight will not be that night. The wind is howling out there and the snow is drifting like you would not believe. Right now, my car is somewhat sheltered, so it's not burried too badly. If I pull it out, I won't even be able to find it tomorrow morning.
A white Saturn in white snow. Not a good combo. Just sayin'.
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It will be awesome and I would like pictures.
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My big fear is that she'll toss the snow back in front of my car. She's the type that would, sadly enough. Although someone suggested pulling my car out a little so she's forced to dig around it. That seems to be my best bet in non-nor'easter weather. The wind is going something fierce out there, so the snow is drifting like you would not believe, so today is not the day to try it.
What chaps my ass this time around is that she shoveled so little today, that I'm not entirely sure how she's going to get by my car anyway.
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Seriously, dude. Them mens are just sooooo lazy, expectin' us to do our part. Cain't they be telling that we be helpless, wilty little flowers?
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Us farmers tend to take these things very badly.
Julia, resolutely NOT talking about my weather today, bbecause it would look like gloating
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The throughtless beahvior just drives me bonkers. It's not as bad as someone stealing your parking space on the street after you've shoveled it out, but it's damn annoying.
Now, if she had done this only once or twice, fine. Sometimes people aren't feeling well and they take shortcuts. If she had a health problem or was disabled and said, osteoporosis and/or brittle bone disease, I wouldn't be happy, but I understand.
It's the senseless excuses that make me pull my hear out because, technically this all applies to me as well. I mean, what the hell? Can't she see the double standard here?
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I feel your pain. I have the same type of neighbor. I drive a Mustang and it SUCKS in the snow. I deal, my choice and all to drive one, but me and the hubby always make sure to keep our sidewalk and driveway as snow free as possible.
What does our neighbor do across the street? Nada. Nothing. Zip. Zilch.
Guess who got stuck backing out of their own driveway and wound up getting stuck at the end of their driveway because it was full of snow the snow plow left behind?
Yep
GRRRRRRRRRRRR
Gotta love thy neighbors... or not.
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What is it with people?
Can you call the landlord? I mean, is it in the lease somewhere that tenants are responsible for their own snow removal? If it is, it's the landlord's responsibility to intervene on your behalf.
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I've become such a wimp...don't think I'd like to live back east and deal with snowstorms. Rain actually doesn't look so bad in comparison.
Don't hate me when I tell you that my daffodils are blooming.
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Sorry about the weather. It's absolutely gorgeous here, but it's supposed to snow before the week is out.
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This is what you do.
2.) When the 'big one' arrives park at the end of the drive.
3.) Shovel a walking path down to the car.
4.) Laugh fiendishly.
pgavigan
who shoveled the shared drive way of the little old lady next door that, unlike your neighbor, she went out a bought a snowblower for me to use.
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(Anonymous) 2006-02-13 04:26 pm (UTC)(link)Don't know why she made up lame excuses though.I'd of just said 'Didn't shovel cos I didn't want to'
Having said that I do live in England on a street where noone would dream of talking to their neighbours let alone complainingg to them.
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Or, you could get a watering can and make sure that the little bit of shovelling she does do includes a layer of solid ice - just be sure to do it when she's not watching ;D
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