The way I look at it is this: Xander's experience pre-death with vampires falls more on the psychotic end of the scale, to the point where run-of-the-mill vampires aren't actually something to aspire to (that is, if you're a soulless psychotic killing machine). In a lot of ways, Angelus's ghost was pretty much soulless vamp Xander's "how to" guide.

There's a few other psychological issues mixed up in there as well (part of that is soulless vamp Xander's daddy-kink and Kennedy's insistence that she's "the one and only").

Yes, yes. As a soulless vampire Xander was not fluffy bunny kittens. No. Definitely not the type that would be looking to get his soul back.