I think it's more the writing style than the content. I can definitely see in this story that the characters are at arm's length for me, not to mention their dialog is somewhat stylized (Giles and Spike in particular read off-center to me).
What saves it, in large part, is where Buffy's story and the Willow-Xander finally comes together at the end. It retro-actively makes at least Buffy's part read better. The Willow-Xander story I actually have very little problem with it, since it's meant to be off-kilter. With a different ending, it could've stood fairly well on its own as a vaguely creepy ghost story.
The thing that struck me in transfering it over, is that this is the first example of me using a parallel construction where there are two different stories being told under one heading. I used it again with A Gift of Ordinary Magic, and am using it to a lesser extent with Water Hold Me Down.
I know. I'm being my own worst critic here. :-)
While I don't have the overwhelming urge to go back and re-write it like I do with Revelations, some of the dialgue in the Buffy part of the story could stand to be fixed (most notably Giles and Spike — they both sound like the general idea of Giles and Spike, but not like themselves).
So, I can go with what you're saying. The content (or the story itself) is fairly emotional, but the writing itself isn't. It just so happens that in this particular piece it (mostly) works, and when it doesn't, the section goes by so fast that it's easy to miss unless you're being picky (like me).
Even so, I'm not going to touch it. It's good to have something earlier hanging around so you can go back and look at it and see where you've improved and where you've gotten lazy.
I think it's one of the tighter-written stories I've ever put out, so a little more discipline on that front for me might be a good idea to revist. At the same time, I have issues with the character voices in the Buffy sections.
I admit, that if I were writing the story now, though, I'd probably not write the Buffy part at all, and would've made it all about the Willow-Xander ghost story part as they try to piece together the things they can't remember (like things they don't feel guilty about, see Buffy) and connect it to the things they can (like things they do feel guilty about like Xander killing Anya and Willow killing Warren).
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What saves it, in large part, is where Buffy's story and the Willow-Xander finally comes together at the end. It retro-actively makes at least Buffy's part read better. The Willow-Xander story I actually have very little problem with it, since it's meant to be off-kilter. With a different ending, it could've stood fairly well on its own as a vaguely creepy ghost story.
The thing that struck me in transfering it over, is that this is the first example of me using a parallel construction where there are two different stories being told under one heading. I used it again with A Gift of Ordinary Magic, and am using it to a lesser extent with Water Hold Me Down.
I know. I'm being my own worst critic here. :-)
While I don't have the overwhelming urge to go back and re-write it like I do with Revelations, some of the dialgue in the Buffy part of the story could stand to be fixed (most notably Giles and Spike — they both sound like the general idea of Giles and Spike, but not like themselves).
So, I can go with what you're saying. The content (or the story itself) is fairly emotional, but the writing itself isn't. It just so happens that in this particular piece it (mostly) works, and when it doesn't, the section goes by so fast that it's easy to miss unless you're being picky (like me).
Even so, I'm not going to touch it. It's good to have something earlier hanging around so you can go back and look at it and see where you've improved and where you've gotten lazy.
I think it's one of the tighter-written stories I've ever put out, so a little more discipline on that front for me might be a good idea to revist. At the same time, I have issues with the character voices in the Buffy sections.
I admit, that if I were writing the story now, though, I'd probably not write the Buffy part at all, and would've made it all about the Willow-Xander ghost story part as they try to piece together the things they can't remember (like things they don't feel guilty about, see Buffy) and connect it to the things they can (like things they do feel guilty about like Xander killing Anya and Willow killing Warren).